ASKLOVELEEMICHAELA

ADVICE COLUMN

BY Michaela Green

CSUITEMUSIC.COM Exclusive advice column where Dating Blogger Michaela Green answers real questions from real people like you!

DM Michaela on Instagram @Loveleemichaela_ To Get Your Story Featured!

Read Michaela's advice below!

@PriscillaTrippin24

September 14, 2017

Dear Lovelee: So, 5 months ago I met a guy on Instagram and we started to talk. Ever since we met we have been talking on the phone for like 5 to 7 hours a day and texting nonstop. He lives all the way across the country and we haven't met yet but we definitely have a connection. We are going to see each other this month and I'm so excited/ nervous. Am I stupid for taking this serious? SOS 

 

Thanks,

 

 

@Loveleemichaela_

Hey Girl, Hey!

 

You are NEVER stupid for taking a chance on love! REMEMBER THAT. I am not sure what you and your new boo discuss, but if a man is spending 5 to 7 hours talking to you on the phone (not texting), then he is definitely into you. I personally measure a man’s interest in me by how much time he gives me. Time is even more valuable than money. Time is something you need, but don’t have an abundance of. If time is wasted it can be detrimental to one’s life and can never be retrieved. If he is giving you allllll that time just on the phone, he is legit into you.  

 

Your new boo living across the country can be seen as a no no to several negative Nancie’s out there, but when you are in your 20’s early thirties, I think it’s great! Your boo gets to visit a new and different state and so do you. You can plan mini getaways just to escape the real world and spend time together. Also, we want our men to miss us, it keeps things spicy. I am personally in a place in my life where I don’t have TONS of time, so I enjoy long distance. I get to stay focused on school, work, and my hobbies while also flirting and getting to know someone via phone and facetime.

 

The only time the long distance will be an issue is when you get serious about one another and decide to be exclusive. We are at a place in our lives where we should not be wasting our time on people we don’t see a future with. Eventually someone will have to move, that’s way down the line obviously but if you would never leave your hometown and he would never leave his, then it won’t work anyway.  If you really like this guy, make sure he really likes you and isn’t looking for a long distance “situationship”. These types of men usually hit you up every blue moon for two weeks straight before they fall off again! When they hit you, its usually around the time that the two of you might be in the same area for some special event.

 

Another good sign is that he is coming to visit YOU and soon! He is clearly NOT playing! Unless of course he was already coming or decided to come for a special event (I hate this). Your new boo should be coming to see and spend time with you specifically, if not then you are NOT his host, taxi, hotel, etc!  

 

I hope you enjoy your boo time this month, good love luck!

LOVE always,

Lovelee Michaela

 

Single Black Dad

September 14, 2017

Dear Lovelee: I am a 28-year-old young professional male that has had a difficult time trying to find someone to date. I have a 2-year-old daughter that I have custody of. I’ve found it extremely difficult to date because I consider myself a responsible parent and put my child’s needs and safety first. I don’t allow just anyone to come to my house because my daughter is there sleeping etc., I can’t do spontaneous activities because I have to find a sitter, and last but not least I work a lot so I actually do enjoy spending quality time with my daughter. As you know raising a young black girl alone is not the easiest thing in the world I have chosen to only date within my race not only because I think black women are awesome but because I don’t want my daughter to have the conception that her dad didn’t marry a black girl or that black girls are not worthy etc…. because our kids pay attention more than we think. I guess what my question is to you is if I am being too over protective or irrational by putting my daughters needs first? Or how can I attract a level headed black woman that would be accepting to my lifestyle or time constraints due to my work/parenting schedule because I also travel a lot for work. Thanks in advance and I look forward to your response.

 

Sincere regards,

Single Black Dad

@Loveleemichaela_

 

Hi Single Black Dad,

 

Thank you for writing! I love hearing how awesome my brotha’s are at taking care of their babies, and it sounds like you are doing an awesome job.

 

The truth is, unfortunately, you can’t attract a woman for long if you don’t have time for her. I believe that you can actually have a healthy balance of baby and daddy time as well as dating time. Here’s a secret, dating doesn’t have to be spontaneous especially not right off the bat. I personally like to see a man plan our first couple of dates, it lets me see how well of a planner they are and how good their attention to detail is.

 

Find a baby sitter and then ask the lovely lady out or you can ask her out a couple of weeks in advance, which will give you enough time to find a sitter. Regardless, no matter what you will need a sitter. You should also consider bringing baby along. Once you’ve dated a woman awhile and trust her to meet your daughter, it is totally fine to plan fun dates that include the little one.

 

Here’s another secret: love has no color. Although I love seeing black men praising us, love just doesn’t work that way. Just because you marry a non-black woman does not mean you don’t love us in general. Your daughter will know how much you love black women by the way you treat them on a regular basis. Encouraging your daughter to celebrate her blackness with every step she takes will also help your daughter know where you stand on black women. If you still prefer a black woman, there are a million and one of us out here who will gladly take you up, but you must make the time.

 

You aren’t being overprotected but you do sound a bit defeated when there is nothing but space and opportunity. Get yourself a permanent baby sitter and you will be good to go my brotha!

 

LOVE always,

Lovelee Michaela

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