A recurring topic on reality shows is the drama between baby mamas and the girlfriends/ wives. The most ridiculous situations I have seen regarding this topic were on Love and Hip Hop New York. Peter Gunz, Amina Buddafly and Tara Wallace have been in a continuous love triangle, because Peter married Amina and continues to have a sexual relationship with the mother of his children, Tara. In the midst of that Tara got pregnant again and then so did Amina. That whole situation is a hot mess. Every season Peter continued to lie and dabble between both women.
Another situation on Love and Hip Hop New York was that of Yandy Smith and her husband Mendeecees. Yandy Smith is Mendeecees "wife", but she continues to bump heads with the two mothers of his children Samantha and Erica. These altercations often get physical and even the grand mothers end up getting involved... it's just too much!
There are reality shows that portray mixed families that get a long and have no drama. For example, Tiny and T.I. did a great job loving their family and we never saw drama with them and their baby mothers/ daddys on The Family Hustle. However, the drama I have seen on other reality shows is enough to convince me to stay far away from men who have children. Of course reality shows tend to be more dramatic than reality sometimes, but all the situations presented are possible obstacles that could present themselves when choosing to date someone with a child.
A friend of mine recently posted a status on Facebook about dating. He posted a picture of various paths he could take and then he captioned the picture “which ‘L’ should I take?” The paths were as follows: being a step dad, being with an ugly girl or being single forever. A lot of people found this post to be humorous and so did I. However, some people felt otherwise. People commented saying things such as “But why does being a step dad have to be an L?” and “It’s not bad just depends on the woman,” while others simply posted emojis such as the eye rolling emoji.
A month ago I posted a status very similar to that of my friends. I said, “Us single women want a man with no kids… however, this is starting to seem unrealistic”. I got mixed responses, but at the end of the day I feel like if someone wants to be with someone with no kids that is their prerogative. Someone told me "If you like someone, them having a child shouldn’t matter". But honestly it does.
You can like someone, vibe with them and maybe even love them, but adding a kid to the mix takes things to a whole nother level. What if you’re not ready to be a parent and the relationship gets serious? It’s like you become a parent by default. Someone should be understanding if someone doesn’t want to take on this responsibility.
Also I know some people who won’t date people with children, because they are scared of the possibility that they may develop a close relationship with the child and then the relationship may not work out. At that point you’re losing two people and that’s a lot to deal with emotionally.
Another factor is the baby’s mother or baby’s father. Your significant other could have a good relationship with them or a terrible one. If their relationship isn’t good then you have to deal with that as well. What if the baby’s mother/ father disrespects or abuses your significant other?
You now feel obligated to step in... or at least I would. That is drama and baggage that is now in your life that could have been avoided. Dating someone with a kid/kids adds multiple new people in your life, not one. If someone isn’t ready for that and doesn’t have the patience for it I don’t blame them for wanting to stay far far away. But then again, everyone is different.
Some people can date someone with kids, accept the child as their own love the child and deal with the baby’s mother/ father regardless of what the situation is. I really think the relationship between the person’s potential significant other and the baby’s mother/ father is the key factor. If someone has kids I wouldn’t just call that a deal breaker right away, but I would inquire more about the relationship between the two parents. If while inquiring a girl tells a dude how her crazy baby daddy stalks her and tries to beat up every man she dates and the dude decides to stop talking to her, I don’t think the girl should feel some type of way.
In contrast, maybe a dude is dating a girl who’s baby daddy is great. He provides for their child, respects her, comes around when needed and continues to live his own life. But like I said earlier, to date someone with a child you have to prepared for multiple people to enter your life instead of the one person you would get if you dated someone with no children.
ldeally, I want to date someone with no children so we can get married and have all of our children together. I want to avoid having a mixed family, but I would give someone a chance if I really liked them and their child’s other parent wasn’t an issue. What are your opinions on dating someone with a child? Let us know!
Michaela P. Shelton is Managing Editor of CSUITEMUSIC.com
Read more from Michaela at Darealmichaela1.com