Are you ever awake at 5am and decide to scroll through, some source of social media outlet or app? Well a few months ago I came across a song on Soundcloud by an artist of the name of ‘Lil Peep’. I had very little knowledge in regards to who he was, his place in the music industry and his platform in the entertainment business. ‘Benz Truck’ was the song I came across and I played that in my car over and over for about three days straight.

Gustav Ahr was a 21 year old man born in Long Island NY. He went by the stage name ‘Lil Peep’. Growing up in Long Island, Gustav dropped out of High School and took online classes to gain his diploma. Shortly after he decided to make music and post them on both, Youtube and Soundcloud only to gain a following of over 4,000 plays a week. Peep was making moves and changing music history, he was taking rap and mixing in an emo/rock sound to it that some people would call very ‘Lincoln Park’.


But the emo aspect of his music was very deep. Lil Peep passed away at the age of 21, he oevrdosed in his tour bus in Tucson Arizona before his show. The problem with rap and rap culture is that people buy the music and bop to it but no one is actually listening. For example, Kendrick Lamar’s record ‘Swimming Pools’, you heard that playing at every party, every function, every club and people were partying having a good time. However, if you listen to the lyrics, Kendrick is actually speaking quite the opposite of those things in reference to addiction and how it has affected his life personally.


Sure many of you loved Peep’s music, but was anyone truly paying attention? Every song was a cry for help, every instagram video was a subliminal message of how empty and alone he felt due to his severe depression. People are asking why, he had money, a career, a rumored girlfriend (Arzaylea) so what would drive Lil Peep towards addiction? I’ve been seeing a lot of people tie in Peep’s Xanax addiction to ‘rap culture pill popping’, but again while everyone is pointing the finger, did you actually take the time to listen instead of placing judgment on someone you barely knew?

Depression is a monster. It can make you feel and believe things that are just simply not reality but a distortion of it. I don’t want to sit here and pretend that I’m the biggest Lil Peep fan but the few songs I did listen to, as someone who suffers from mental illness, I am truly saddened that someone who truly had a talent for making me feel like I wasn’t alone in this, is just gone. We don’t know why we’re sad, so stop asking, we don’t know why we feel empty, stop asking, we don’t know the source of our numbness so again, stop asking. I’m not saying not to talk about it, but more times than none depression doesn’t have an actual source, it’s just there in the brain chemistry and there is no real reason on why it affects certain people the way it does.


The truth is you can’t save anybody. You can take the time to love them while they’re still here. You can let them know that at any moment of anytime you will pick up the phone if they need you. Please don’t blame yourselves, please don’t try and figure out what you could of done, because in all honestly there was probably nothing you could have done. The only thing you are responsible for is making a difference while someone is still here.


I can’t speak for Lil Peep, but I can thank him. I thank him for always being honest, I thank him for his platform in regards to LGBTQ, his platform on protecting the safety of women, and for always putting on for all of us sad souls out there who are fighting the monster in our heads that convinces us we’re not enough. You made a difference in so many lives and regardless of whether you were familiar with his music or not its ok to grieve, its ok to wish him well. You deserved more in this life, and I hope that wherever you are that you finally get the peace you deserve. Rest easy my fellow ‘Cry Baby’.

Deidre Curiel is a Blogger out of Chicago

Twitter: @deidremichelle1

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